Chaos

Dead already
full moon Tuesday won't change won't help
it's Monday we'll forget
his chest expanding into chaos
his death, chaos, for me, for July
on Tuesday I'd like to go swimming
to remember past Monday, to Tuesday, and stop

it was a lonely thing
for me, for everyone who talks to me
now it's been so long, embarrassingly long
I barely knew him, a cautionary life
his structure already re-aligned, I have yet
to face horrors, though i fear forgetting
to swim, becoming too shy to plan to swim
I don't fear I'll face chaos on Tuesday
or on Monday, or after Tuesday or soon.

When it happens, the bad bad day, I'll forget him
he's already dead, a bookmark holding the bad day's place
training me, forcing me to love wrongly, to fear not.
On Tuesday, on the full moon, open-mouthed, warm
looking at my imagined parallel, oppressively relating
waiting for thunder, on Tuesday, the full moon
and Wednesday is the Fourth of July.

Emma, remember Rocks and Trees?

It will be too dangerous to swim on Tuesday
I was never a girl-scout, I think that's why
I tried, and forgot, and failed, and still have not seen chaos
have not been refreshed